Do you ever have those days when you feel like you're just getting by? Not financially, but in the physical/emotion/spiritual sense? The laundry is piled up, the floors are all messy, the kids are running around like human tornadoes, and school work has fallen by the wayside. You stop and think, "Why do I feel like I'm just barely keep my head above water when I'm supposed to be more than a conqueror?"
I've been having a few of those days.
Teaching the basics to a four year old is something I've done twice already, but had conveniently blocked from my memory. I know why that was necessary. It's a lot like having a baby...you know it was painful but if you remembered the full extent of the pain you'd never have another. Same goes with teaching a child the alphabet. So it's not really that bad but boy, it's difficult sometimes. It's also rewarding and that's why I'm hanging on. Eventually he'll be enjoying a book and I'll smile and know that I had a small part in that.
Moving is another thing I've done a few times, and yet that hasn't been any easier either (no we're not planning a move, it's just something that's affected my life). It's hard to fit in, to try and find the place where you fit. I'm really not good at that. I usually feel like the square peg. You have to get used to a new place, a new set of people, figure out who has your back and who wants to stab you in the back...You sometimes feel that you're a doormat, your feelings don't matter, your giftings don't count.
And then there's living with a life threatening illness. Even though it's not mine, it's altered our family's lifestyle significantly. There are times when the simple things, like going to the grocery store can seem terrifying. I've been isolated at certain times because the risk of Elizabeth getting sick is too great...Missing out on social activities because I don't want to come in contact with the flu or something worse that could land us in the hospital or even worse, cause death.
I'm not writing this to command a pity party, I'm writing this to because I know I'm not alone. We all have our personal desert experiences, our Goliath's, our walls of Jericho. We all go through times when we'd rather stay in bed, build up walls to protect ourselves, and completely stop trusting because we've been hurt so many times.
That's not the way we're meant to live.
Romans 8:37 tells us that we are to be "more than conquerors through him who loved us." We have all we need to live above our circumstances when we rely on God for our provision, whatever that may be.
The Word is full of situations that looked hopeless, and if you put yourself in the shoes of the one who faced it, they were probably pretty discouraged at times. We spend so much time dwelling on our shortcomings, our problems that we stop dwelling on God's promises to us and His greatness. We should be encouraged to know that even if the whole world seems to be against us, He is for us. If we are hard pressed on every side, we'll not be crushed. We have the victory we need, we just need to trust Him for it!
So while I walk through these days, being a little discouraged, I know that it will all end well! I am more than a conqueror!